The Dachshund Dictionary

dog pile – the preferred sleeping position of a Dachshund within a family pack.

shunoring  – the gentle respiratory rumble of a resting Dachshund.

frolic – upper limit of physical exertion (with or without camera)

ear-full – Aural blockage created during the mastication process.

Cornering – a spectator sport.

Dachshumeter – the mid-point in a planned walk from where a pup/dog needs to be carried home. Somewhat dichotometric to the fact that most pups have not read the memorandum on limited playing and will ‘pop to the drop’, setting up an unrealistic expectation of actual boots on ground stamina as an adult dog.

‘shinging – tonal vocalisation just below a yelp that mimics a vintage Moog Theramin with ‘dig del and flanger’.

snap chshot – the blurred resemblance of a beloved pet in an otherwise well framed photo.

‘chrate trained – the contentment and safety a dog feels when resting locked inside it’s known safe space; again often masked by the protesting (see shinging) when asked to go there. But seriously, a real friend for the overactive pet, some tough love time out will protect and prolong musculoskeletal warranty.

hextuple – the 6 beats per cycle running rhythm of four legs and two ears in motion. ( ta-da-rump, ta-da-rump as opposed to the ta-da-la-thump of horses.)

discipline – along with the yeti and ‘spring carnival sure thing’ is a mirage. Sure with toilet, reward and clicker training you might get to move the chains a few yards but a flag on the play will retard you gains before the OB crew have even got the replay ready.

“sausage roll meat pie” – oro’s favourite game where, with help, she mimics a sausage roll then a meat pie, repeat etc…

latency – the time delay between front paw motion and rear paw motion, often disguised after a nap as a long deep stretch. Note that ‘tickle response’ appears to bypass any nerve latency, weird hey!

play pen – this term is included for completeness but does not imply that it is a recognised item/concept of the Dachshund at the centre of the discussion.

‘chollar – this term is included… etc etc see play pen….

‘chew toy – this term is… etc etc…play pen…

Dachs – European language term for Badger. Not related to ‘under dacks’ see ‘chew toy’.

CD player – old school audio device that aids in sleep (see dog pile).

time – often read as love by Dachshunds from an early age. On the topic of love, to the casual observer it might look like a re-run of Lady and the Tramp or a mash up of the ‘Raj and Cinnamon’ story, but this maters not as no words need to describe the bond between Dachshund and custodian.

“Dog Bed”- a clever marketing term not recognised officially by the bread. Please note that any cave like bedding will be flattened and slept on and any flat bedding will be crumpled (see dog pile).

Maslov’s Hierarchy – see dog pile.

chshtick – small part of a tree; cheap alternative to ‘chew toy’ and easily vacuumed up.

car – a CD player on wheels.

hip displacement – After 1984, Christopher Cross’s star quickly dimmed. As music television station MTV grew to dominate the mainstream music scene in the United States, Cross’s style of music proved to be a bad fit for the network, and Cross’ brand of adult contemporary music declined in popularity; a tragedy.

steps – Natural enemy of the Darlecks – not great for Dachshunds either but they have not read the memo (see Dachsercise).

The Hip – an abbreviation of the Canadian Alt Rock band ‘the tragically hip’ who are responsible for a number of hits including ‘ahead by a century’ that is more about hornets than batteries.

clicking clock – soothing rhythm to mimic maternal heartbeat but does not fool the intelligent Dachshund and must be destroyed as a primary objective (see Maslov’s Hierarchy).

antidepressant – mad made chemical replacement for Dachshunds.

the golden ratio – a concept devised by pioneering mathematicians for perfect leading symmetry, close to 1.618: 1

the dachshund ratio – approximately 1.8 : 1 for height compared to length. Interestingly, the length is roughly the same as ear tip to ear tip.

hearing – new owners may fear that the bread is quiet deaf and not responsive to name and basic commands. But rest assured the smallest drop of dry foot into food bowl will prove that the Dachshund not only has excellent, but very selective, hearing.

skin ratio – a Dachshund puppy is usually supplied with more skin than appears practical, at a ratio of 1:sqrt 2

Garden – it is often thought that a garden could provide wonder and enrichment to a Dachshund, however to them it is just a target rich environment of questionable allegiance. Whilst it is often though dogs are colour blind the Dachshund can both sense colour and perform IFF interrogations with the tongue.

dog blanket – useful to ‘make up a load’ on laundry day, easily replaced by designer bed throw received last Christmas.

CAAB;SAAD – Acronym for ‘cute as a button; silly as a dart.’

‘shulurp – consumption of liquid. I think the ear provide a tuned resonant cavity.

pecking order / pack order – this term is… etc etc…play pen…

‘shneeker – foot ware once owned until being involuntarily relinquished to the pup (given foot ware no longer fit for purpose).

love – see time; sometimes God sends as a protector, a guardian angel to help us along, I am just lucky I found mine…