Ultimate Footy Mascot Cage Fight or why the natural order of life destined Richmond to finish outside the final eight
Sure I was riding the wave of the 2017 Grand Final with 70-80 thousand paid-up and proud members of the Tiger Army, but 2018 has started a but rough. Rather than shred my membership card as many a Victorian would do about round 2 or 3. I had to put in my analysis and this is what I deduced; Richmond are destined to by position 8 or 9, it is the natural order of things and anything above this is both an act of God and a sporting question underpinned by loads of effort (but in reality this effort and desire case is matched by 17 other clubs wanting the silverware just as much).
What I am proposing int he natural order is that if you got all the AFL footy club mascots and let them into an Ultimate Footy Mascot Cage Fight round robin tournament then there is a likely natural order being;
Gold Coast Suns
St Kilda Saints
Port Adelaide Power
Essendon Bombers
Hawthorn Hawks
West Coast Eagles
Greater Western Sydney Giants
Richmond Tigers
Brisbane Lions
Collingwood Magpies
Adelaide Crows
Geelong Cats
Sydney Swans
Western Bulldogs
North Melbourne Kangaroos
Fremantle Dockers
Carlton Blues
Melbourne Demons
Why? well the sun is the centre of the universe and pretty powerful in both science and most religious systems. The Saints are rather powerful but hinge on miracles. I still think that a Bomber has some power, but politics still sits under religion. Now I lump the Eagle and the Hawk together as being able to beat a Giant. I also have to rank the otherwise Alpha Predators of Lions and Tigers equally as being likely to be defeated by the mythical Giant. Magpies and Crows I think are fodder for the higher ranks, but with a bit of effort would win over a domestic cat. The Swan could be taken, but strangely I think would win over a bulldog either by submission or desertion. Most dogs would move a Kangaroo along unless it was specifically a big Central Australian Red, then it moves up a long way. An average Kangaroo would beat an approximation of a Docker who I hope would have enough support to beat the Blues; although depression can get a few wins if left unchecked, and propping up the natural order is the Demons as I am pretty sure that lucifer has no place at the mighty MCG. So there you have it a comical and trivial treatment with no disrespect intended as to why my beloved team regularly misses the last few games in September!
I found this great card in South Melbourne ( a lovely suburb that used to have a footy team) and it shows a series of old footy jumpers from the woolen era. Reminds me about a comment I made about ‘only recognising the historical teams’. It was said without a bunch of research to promote the ancient clubs over new franchises and I had made that cut based on the look of the jumpers being more heraldic and therefor order. Well this is not actually that simple. Richmond has what would normally be a very old style jumper,but there are plenty of older clubs. There is also a rather complex story of the start of the league and some amalgamations of both clubs and competitions that muddy the waters. So, without getting bogged in history, I still have a soft spot for the older clubs who have heraldic styled regalia rather than newer designs. It is not a hard and fast or fair cut off of these ’10 Ancients’ but generally implies one colour over a background such as Richmond, Essendon, Demons, Pies, Blues, Swans, Geelong, Hawthorn, Norths and Saints. I have included the image from the card made by fabricoffootball.com.au so maybe you can buy stuff from them.